So I wanted to write about porridge.
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| Porridge |
It seems an odd thing to write about in a mostly-running-themed blog, but actually half the runners I talk to (and most of my friends are runners) swear by porridge for breakfast before a race... the rest seem to swear by overnight oats - which I haven't tried, but is basically cold porridge with "yoggit" in it.
I don't want to labour the point on porridge, but as I wrote this I just kept coming up with new ideas!
Porridge is dull
Porridge is not dull. It is really quite nice.
There are some quite fancy porridge recipes below, but let’s start with the basics. I'm going call this "
Basic porridge", because "
Plain porridge" is something quite ironically different (I have decided).
Basic Porridge
Making porridge is the "rule of thirds"; the basic recipe is:
- 1/3 cup/glass porridge oats
- 1/3 cup/glass milk
- 1/3 cup/glass water
You simply mix that all together and then cook in a pan (for the most awful washing-up experience of your life) or put in a bowl and microwave:
Full power for 2 minutes (if you are using a third of a normal tumbler/mug to measure).
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| Porridge, milk, water; 2 minutes in the microwave; Porridge! |
"Basic Porridge" Gotchas
If the porridge is too runny/milky watery you can pop it in for another 30 seconds. That's easy.
If you cook it too long - have too few oats/milk/water or type 20:00 rather than 2:00 - your porridge will become "self-aware" at about 2 minutes 45 seconds, and start spreading all over the inside of your microwave a bit like the alien in the film "
Life" but messier.
Variants
The main variants of the basic recipe are a "nicer, creamier" option (replacing the water with milk); or a "blander, healthier" option (replacing the milk with water) :
Creamy porridge:
- 1/3 cup/glass porridge
- 2/3 cup/glass milk
Bland porridge:
- 1/3 cup/glass porridge
- 2/3 cup/glass water
Exciting Porridge Recipes
If you are OK with basic porridge, here are my recipes for something a bit more "Ooh La La" or "OMG" ...
Plain Porridge
This is so called because its the opposite of plain - and I love irony even more than porridge. As one facebook post (by me) described it:
"Just some cut up chunks of Danish pastry, chocolate sauce and a dollop of jam ... maybe a banana if it’s before a race."
Basically, this is porridge topped with anything you can find added to it; porridge made from all of the toppings/breakfast ingredients in a branch of Pret:
- Honey
- Sugar
- Jam
- Fruit
- Fruit compote (runny jam or mashed fruit)
- Bits of danish pastry (special occasions)
- Cut up banana (if its before a race)
- Nutella
So porridge with garnish. The healthiest version is probably the fruit one ... unless you are a bee, in which case honey.
Waldorf Salad Porridge
In attempt to make this healthy, before I get on to the nice recipes, it’s time to introduce Salad Porridge ...
Clearly you can’t add lettuce leaves and cucumber to porridge, that would be awful. Neither could you serve porridge on a bed of tomato and mozzarella with a drizzle of olive oil.
This is tried and tested recipe. Porridge, with Celebrations. Just don't use Bounties - the soft gooey centres are best.
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| Take porridge and some Celebrations, and have a porridge celebration! |
Polo-rridge
Ok, this is one I have actually yet to try - but I reckon it is worth a shot: Porridge, with some Polo mints in.
Maybe (w)hole 🤣 or maybe crushed up - I'm not sure yet. I think minty porridge might be a real treat (with a hole).
Fruit Porridge
As well have covered fruit (and jam and fruit compote) above you may wonder what the difference is here. Well what if you don’t have any strawberries or raspberry jam to hand?
The answer is “fruit pastilles”! Just put a few on top of your porridge and wait for them to melt a bit and go squashy. Not the green ones though - they taste foul as everyone knows, and they’ll make your porridge green.
Unicorn Porridge
I thought about calling this "Pommidge" as its got M&Ms in it, but the coloured effect of adding M&Ms to porridge meant that it could only really be called "Unicorn Porridge".
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| M&Ms |
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| Pommidge? |
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| Unicorn porridge |
Ambassador's Porridge
Now, for those occasions when you want to really spoil people (at breakfast). This is porridge with a Ferrero Rocher on top (or a few) and has been the height of aristocratic decadence for a decade ... or at least since I invented it the other week.
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| Ooh Ambassador, with this porridge you are really spoiling us |
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| Ambassador's porridge (as served) |
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| Ambassador's porridge (as eaten) |
Le Porridge Après Huit
Even beyond Ambassador’s porridge is this recipe, so awesome and swish that you have to say it in French. It is the same but with an After Eight mint (or two or three) added instead.
The “wafer thin” nature of this particular confection means a much more meltier, mintier, magnificent bowl of le oatmeal avec au chocolat results ... mmmmm.
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| After Eight mints (three for illustration only) |
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| Porridge après huit (a la trois) |
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| C'etait délicieux |
Mindful Porridge
Now this is love. Giant chocolate buttons are, reportedly, the best way to eat Cadbury's Dairy Milk Chocolate - and when you eat them mindfully you hold them in your hand, think how they feel, how they smell, how them melt, then eat them - slowly.
Mindful Porridge combines that deep love affair with chocolate with porridge. The recipe is pretty much as you'd expect, but is illustrated below - this one cannot be left to chance!
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| Start with porridge |
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| And some giant chocolate buttons |
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| Add the buttons to the porridge - see how they go a bit melty and gooey ... mmmmm ... |
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| Look, it's love - true porridgy love |
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| Happy! |
Porridge is not just for breakfast
Actually porridge is just for breakfast, but that doesn’t mean it has to be as boring as bran flakes.
I love all these recipes, except for the Polo one, but someone might like it.
My personal favourite is Waldorf Salad Porridge - Healthy and Nutritious!
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